Continuing to Listen

Last week I talked about the importance of listening and listening at the level of the child and from the stand point of the child.  There is a certain culture that every person and especially every child has.  This culture can come from poverty, from ethnicity and race, from wealth, from education, and from the different areas of the country.  This is why it is so very important for all those who deal with children to understand the diverse cultures that the child they are dealing with is coming from.

We have a child who we really wanted to join this Big Brother group.  It was a wonderful program, and the parent, teacher and I thought it was a perfect thing for this child to do.  He had very few positive male role models, and this group would expose him to several positives.  This child has lost much of his power in his little life and often misbehaves, because he does not feel like he has a voice.  When the mother told me that he had told the organization that he did not want to be a part of it, I was quite perturbed.  How could he be so ungrateful?  I had  worked hard to get him involved; how could he just dismiss it?  When I pulled him aside to talk with him, I realized one very important mistake I had made.  No one had ever asked him what he wanted to do.  Even if we, as adults, had decided what he needed to do, we should have at least consulted him and made him feel like he had some power in the decision-making process.  The funny thing was that not only did he feel he lost power, we did not find out the real reason he had for not being a part of it.  He had heard that they went camping.  Everyone had told him how wonderful the camping trips were.  The problem was he thought that was the majority of what they did, and because of his background and life experience, he was afraid to camp because of bears.  Plain and simple, he did not want to join the group, because they went camping, and bears were in the campgrounds (or so he thought.)

Often we do not understand other cultures.  We are quick to tell children to look us in the eyes in the South, but, if we have a child from another country or even another part of our country, that may be a sign of disrespect.  Children from Asian and South American countries are taught that it is a sign of disrespect to look an adult in the eyes.  How confusing is it for a child to be told to "Look me in the eyes," by an angry teacher when at home they are punished for that very action?  Another example, is a child I knew who was told continually by the teachers reprimanding him, to look them in the eyes.  Later the child admitted to being so angry that if he looked the teacher in the eye, he would have exploded and said some very inappropriate remarks. In essence, he was protecting himself and keeping himself from greater trouble.

If we are in the business of "people," especially in the melting pot we call the United States, it is so important to understand the various cultures, especially the culture of poverty, in  order to really listen. If we can really listen, then we can really understand.  If we can understand, then we can really teach.

Until next week:  Keep it R.E.A.L.!